It’s amazing to me the things that happen in our lives that we don’t get the chance to say “No” to; the things that drag us, kicking and screaming, into the “next thing” or drag us, lying limp ~unable to move or to breathe or to even have a beating heart~ into the “new thing”.
But what if not being given the opportunity to say “No” …what if the dragging of me… is the catalyst that activates the “GREAT thing”? What if I could just trust God enough with this strange, unexpected twist? What if I could trust Him enough with this PAIN, with this shattered heart, with this life that’s lying in shards all around me? What if, WHAT IF, the breaking of me is, in reality, the MAKING of me?
What will God do with this pain? I don’t know~ right now He’s moving mountains with it. Right now, He’s breaking up hard, dry, unfertile land with it. If I allow Him to plant new seeds in the freshly, upturned earth that is my current life, can I nurture and care for and water those new, vulnerable seeds ~ even if I’m watering them with my tears? I.think.I.can… I think I can. No, wait, I KNOW I can because I know the One Who strengthens me. I think watering these baby seeds, caring for the seeds of what can be, is worth it to see what God can do with this mess that I helped create….
~Stubborn, complacent Molly~
“Complacency”…that is the ugliest word in the whole English language that I can think of. Yet, I was there…complacent. I thought I “had this”.
I didn’t “have this” and, to top it off, I held “this” back from God with clinched fists. I wasn’t who He called me to be in the role that He had entrusted to me…
I had also slipped into another dirty word during those clinched-fists years and that word is “mundane”. And I was “OK” with mundane…but not REALLY ok with mundane….I had tricked myself into believing that mundane, that the status quo, was OK.
We are called to so much more than complacency and mundane-ness We are called to be fully awake and fully living. “The glory of God is man FULLY ALIVE” (Saint Irenaeus said that) and I’ve been sleeping for nearly 40 years…. I didn’t even realize that I needed to wake up and I’m paying dearly now, for the not-knowing. I can only look at myself in this. I can’t look at other parties who contributed to this wreck. God calls ME to be accountable for MY part in it, so there will be no pointing of fingers from me…
God is making me new. I have to believe that or else I will crack wide open. God tells me to forget the former things (Isaiah 43:18). He tells me not to dwell on the past. And sometimes the “past” is yesterday or 10 minutes ago. He tells me that He is doing a NEW thing. And I know that He is because I can see it. Here in the middle of this pain, right here in the middle of this hard thing, I can trace the GRACE of God and I can see the evidence of the “new thing”, the proof of the “GREAT thing”. And the proof is in the pudding, right?
God has Promised me that He makes all things beautiful in their own time (Ecclesiastes 3:11) and choosing to believe that specific Promise will carry me through this hard thing into the “New Thing”.
I will fix my eyes, first, on Him and, secondly, on the evidence of this new thing that He is doing. I will make the choice to forget the former things and I will pick up only the pieces of this shattered life that God directs me to pick up. And I will remember not to throw the baby out with the bath water.
Because this new thing? This new thing IS a baby and it must be tended as such. Daily, hourly, minute-by-minute, we MUST do the hard work to get to the more mature “GREAT thing”. And I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that God will give us enough grace to do exactly that, the grace to build a new life, a stronger, more fulfilling life. How do I know? Because He already is and He already has. He IS going before me and He IS preparing the path ahead of me.